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Future Fear

by Montclaire

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    Limited edition 12" vinyl version of the latest Montclaire release "Future Fear."
    Pressed on purple silk vinyl.
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1.
I don't know how to keep going on Don't think anyone's noticed My body is broken and crying out All efforts have failed to keep focused So I lie I lie awake at night I try I try to keep moving What kind of question is zero to ten This pain ain't a numbered scale baby Stabbing my insides a dull then an aching Think I'm falling apart even before I'm breaking So I lie I lie awake at night I try I try to keep moving Moments Moments of peace are what it's taking Moments Moments become everything Watching the winter pass through glass doors The storm in my heart became a hurricane And who gives a fuck what I say anymore Just let me sit here wishing in vain So I lie I lie awake at night I try I try to keep moving Moments Moments of peace are what it's taking Moments Moments become everything Moments Moments keeping me Moments Moments keeping me
2.
Two of Us 04:16
Two of us big mistake Cause the two of us We will break And I can see it's not the way Trying to get ahead of what we made Forget all that has come before Let it burn the edges of needing more It's best to sleep than to dream Love is never as healing as it should be Two of us still the same Even when our hearts separate In a space we create Love is never enough when we hesitate
3.
I think it's funny the way that I looked up to you All of the complicated tears I had to prove I still can't talk about it I still can't think about the way You tried to ignore me But your mind still can't let go Think of what you wanted But this love was never just a show to me They called it human nature I called it poison Because it doesn't have to be exploitation I still can't talk about it I still can't think about the way You tried to ignore me But your mind still can't let go Think of what you wanted But this love was never just a show to me
4.
Julia 03:50
Julia, everything's changing I keep seeing your name in lights While mine is fading Tell me, how did it happen One day I found myself on a train that was stopping Oh take me any other way I'm begging I don't want to stay Now I'm scared of what will be of me Julia, how does it feel To have them all clamoring at your heels Did you get to the part yet where betrayal gets real No matter what they say Just keep going your own way Now I'm scared of what will be of me Did I wait Wait just a little too long to say What I know now I couldn't figure out in a day So how much longer does a woman need to pay Before she can go her own way Before Before Before Julia, is there room left for me To keep telling the stories of my memories This restless mind keeps on pulling at me No matter what they say There's no keeping me away Now I"m scared of what will be of me
5.
Late at night With my back to the wall getting through another evening Forcing myself to get ahold of all these feelings Distraction isn't what it used to be anymore And all alone With a ghost down the hall my mind's make believing You're here with me in this city with a grey ceiling Remember when we planned this long ago Did we wait too long Hours turned to years Ignored our hearts Listened to our fears Separate ways threw us out of gear And the truth is I don't know where to go from here Is it true That I only exist when another person sees me I hold on tight to the light from day to evening Will it shine through from me to you And you'll see me too So I pretend What else can I do with an end to the beginning Try to outrun my skin and make meaning My lungs close tight and remind me I'm still breathing But I'm still alone Did we wait too long Hours turned to years Ignored our hearts Listened to our fears Separate ways threw us out of gear And the truth is I don't know where to go from here From here Did we wait too long Hours turned to years Ignored our hearts Listened to our fears Separate ways threw us out of gear And the truth is I don't know where to go from here From here From here From here
6.
Permission 04:22
Tell me again Why are you worried Have I given you reason to question me Been a good girl Asked for permission Everything that I want That I did Depended on you Won't keep standing in line Making up for lost time Can you hear it now That voice is mine Laying it out All of the reasons Isn't that what you always told me to do Bitterness is The medicine you're tasting Always knew the truth might hurt you too Won't keep standing in line Making up for lost time Can you hear it now That voice is mine Can you hear it now I'm not whispering Can you hear it now I'm not whispering Can you hear it now I'm not whispering Can you hear it now
7.
Future Fear 03:34
Heart beats faster when you come near This view's hazy but you're in the clear Tried all night to be sincere Should know better but I'm not counting years Maybe it's better this way We got caught up in the moment And "It just happened," we'd say Worry later about what's been broken Spent all night with you by my side Barely whispered then you hushed me quiet Stepped in closer If it's this then over I'm the one here without future fear Maybe it's better this way We got caught up in the moment And "It just happened," we'd say Worry later about what's been broken
8.
Taught me how to love again Didn't notice til I let you go Don't want to do this on my own Wrapping emotional broken bones Oh my heartache Replaying all the lines I wrote Say them on the telephone Over and over and over again I'm telling these lies to anyone who's listening Oh my heartache Thinking about what was said Spinning stories in my head Hours and hours and hours I've wasted Trying to figure out how to undo just what I did Oh my heartache What a mistake I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging I'm begging you, begging you, begging Oh my heartache What a mistake

credits

released September 18, 2020

Recorded, Produced and Mixed by John Askew
Mastered by Amy Dragon
All songs written by Sabrina Velazquez for Max Rookie Music, except 'Two of Us' by Graham Barey and Sabrina Velazquez for Max Rookie Music.
All music played by: John Askew, Sabrina Velazquez, Ji Tanzer, Jay Clarke and Sean Klassen
Cover art by Dan Schechter
Photo by Ana Monique

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Montclaire Portland, Oregon

Montclaire is Portland-based artist Sabrina Velazquez.

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